5 people who might try to ruin your wedding

THE TESTY BRIDESMAID
The Problem: "I love my maid of honor, but getting her in a dress that wasn't black or covered every inch of her was a task. If we found a color or a print, she would tell me that she didn't want to take attention away from the bride."

Our Advice: If one of your bridesmaids is a little nervous about showing some skin or wearing a bold color, it's better to find her an alternate option than to force her into something she's not comfortable with. For a modest maid of honor, make a strapless dress more conservative by incorporating a wrap, a fun cardigan, or a vintage bolero jacket in a complementing shade. Or play up your color palette in a subtler way with jewelry or hair fascinators. And look at the bright side -- compromising now will give you a little leverage when you serve as a maid in her wedding.

THE WEDDING KNOW-IT-ALL
The Problem: "My future sister-in-law is telling me I shouldn't wear a white dress because it would be too harsh with my skin tone, wants to register for gifts with me (as well as tell me what to register for), and is suggesting where we honeymoon!"

Our Advice: When wedding suggestions cross the line from helpful to aggravating, it's time to redirect that input so that you don't end up arguing over something that might not seem so significant a few years down the line. Assign specific tasks to keep her busy but still involved, like helping you confirm orders with vendors or assembling favors.

THE DOESN'T-KNOW-HER-PLACE WEDDING GUEST
The Problem: "One of our guests keeps insisting that we invite everyone on her 'party guest list' to our destination wedding -- I even found an open invite on her MySpace page!"

Our Advice: Some wedding guests take it upon themselves to suggest a few invitees. And then some guests invite everyone on the Internet. Unless you want Tom from MySpace raising a glass to toast your union, make sure it's clear that there's only one guest list for your wedding. Luckily, rationalizing a small guest list is a lot easier when you have a destination wedding -- just explain that you're having an intimate wedding with close friends and family only (she should feel honored that she's one of them!).

HE OVER-EAGER WEDDING GUEST
The Problem: "A woman my mother works with wants to do my ceremony music, and a customer of my mother's always volunteers to help and acts like she is family. I hardly know her!"

Our Advice: You know that expression about too many cooks in the kitchen? Meet its wedding equivalent. Having a lot of people offer to help you plan sounds like a blessing, but when assistance comes from left field, it can feel like more of a hindrance. If you feel like someone's eagerness is a bit more than you need, let her know how grateful you are for the offer, but that you're in great shape, planning-wise, and that if anything comes up that she could help with, you'll be sure to call.

THE CHILDREN-OR-BUST WEDDING GUEST
The Problem: "My husband-to-be has a niece and nephew (both under five), and his sister, her husband, and his parents said they would refuse to come if the children aren't allowed."

Our Advice: A lot of couples choose not to invite kids to their wedding, but if you risk a boycott by some VIPs, find a way soothe the situation. Offer to hire a babysitter and set up a private area with games, coloring books, and a few comfy pillows for little ones to crash on if the reception runs past their bedtimes. Your relatives might even offer to chip in once they see how accommodating you're being, but if they don't, the extra expense will be worth bypassing the drama of a fight with your new family.

Source:
www.msn.com

Read More

15 Things Not to Apologize for in Your Relationship

Whoever said “Love means never having to say you’re sorry” clearly hadn’t spent an hour in a house with two married people. For most couples, sorry serves as a convenient catch all that can stand for anything from "You knew it was your turn to do carpool duty" to "Yup, honey, don’t bother looking for that pint of Haagen Daz from last night." But even though it may smooth the waters in the moment, sorry isn’t doing your bond any favors in the long term.

“Women, especially, have a habit of saying ‘I’m sorry’in order to smooth the waters,” says Julia Colwell, Ph.D., a psychologist in Boulder, CO, and author of The Relationship Skills Workbook. “But it creates an odd power dynamic, especially when you’re apologizing to mask how you really feel.” Instead, Colwell urges you to go deeper and explain what’s really going on. For example, you arrive home an hour late. Yes, you’re sorry that your husband was suddenly solely responsible for dinner prep, but you’re likely also stressed-out, overwhelmed, and feel like you need some pampering. “By letting someone see the complete picture, including the fact that being on time sometimes just isn’t feasible, you’re forming the basis for a real conversation,” says Colwell.

And then there are other times when you’re actually not sorry at all. Instead of pretending, cop to the fact that you enjoy and are entitled to the harmless guilty pleasures you enjoy—and allow your husband the same self-indulgent freedom in his quirks, habits, and preferences. ”Every time we don’t tell the truth, which includes insincere apologies, we’re throwing dirt on the fire that sparks the connections between ourselves and others,” says Colwell. With that said, here are 15 things you should never apologize for in your relationship.

1. The fact that you really, really want another baby. Does saying it mean it’s going to become a reality? No. But whether or not expanding your family is feasible, it’s a desire that deserves attention and consideration. Otherwise, you risk becoming resentful and forever playing the if-only game.

2. That you can be a bitch without your coffee. We aren’t going to change certain things about ourselves. You may be cranky before 8 a.m., even if you love everything else associated with your newborn’s face. Being honest about it is part of living in a multidimensional, emotion-filled world. Offer your husband the same grace to be totally who he is. You’ll both be happier, if a little more disgruntled—and that’s okay.

3. That sometimes you think that if Handy Manny weren’t a cartoon and if you were single, there really might be something between the two of you. Just think of all the home-improvement projects that would get done. But seriously, a little what-if-ing is normal and nothing to be sorry about, especially if it’s limited to the realm of animated children’s characters.

4. That the barista at the coffee place is the only person in your life allowed to call you honey. Your husband can call you babe, hot stuff, whatever… but honey is between you and the man who makes your PSLs.

5. That you love his mom—but you know your lasagna recipe is better. What he doesn’t know can’t hurt him.

6. That you loved the purse he picked out for you. And by "loved," you mean you loved the fact that he included a gift receipt. It’s the thought that counts.

7. That you will never tell him what an inside joke between you and your BF really means. Because, really, it’s not funny at all if you weren’t there.

8. That his sweat-stained, holey Madison High School Lions ’99 T-shirt is missing. And yes, you may have had something to do with it.

9. That you were right about when you should have left to get to the airport on time. There are some moments when it’s good to gloat. This is one of them. Give yourself five minutes of full on I-was-right-ing, then get those tickets rebooked.

10. That your toddler is mid-meltdown… and you’re late for book club. But remember, this means not waiting for him to say “I’m sorry" the next time he’s heading to band practice right as your toddler breaks down.

11. That you think his butt is "adorbs." And yes, that is the word you use when you describe it to your friends.

12. That you used his razor. It just works better.

13. That dinner tonight is cereal. Unless he has a better option.

14. That you distracted him at work with a suggestive text. Who said sexting is for teenagers?

15. That there’s no one you’d rather be driven nuts by than him, and that you hope the feeling is mutual. Because, really, isn’t that what love is?

Source:
www.msn.com

Read More

The 9 Most Annoying Things to Hear When You're Single

whether you're happily single or jonesing for a steady relationship, being unattached has its pros and cons. Pros: getting the entire bed to yourself and feeling like you can truly do whatever you want, whenever you want. Cons: besides craving a relationship and not having one, people can say such clueless things! Sometimes it gets so bad that your eyes would get stuck if you rolled them any harder. These statements are usually well-meaning and can even be reassuring the first few times you hear them. The thing is that when you're single, you'll be bombarded with them nonstop to the point where they become insufferable. Here are some of the most common culprits.

"Have you thought about online dating?"
 Nope! Even after all the thousands of think pieces saying it's the new way to find love. Even after countless friends have gotten married after meeting on OkCupid. The thought just hadn't occurred to you.

"You just have to put yourself out there!"
This one is good advice on the off chance that you're holing yourself up at home, refusing to leave. Otherwise, it can be pretty grating. Like many single women who want to meet someone, you've probably packed your schedule. You've joined a hiking club, Tinder swipe like a madwoman, and let your friends set you up. How much more "out there" are you supposed to get?!

"I miss being single! You're so lucky."
 Sure, they're trying to make you feel like there are upsides to being on your own. It's still about as tone-deaf as me when I was 13 and would belt out Britney songs, convinced pop stardom was my destiny.

"You'll find love when you least expect it."
 This just doesn't follow. You should really least expect it when you're sitting on the couch, housing a pizza. I understand that it can seem harder to find love when you're too focused on it, but how are you not supposed to think about wanting a relationship? It's OK to hope for one! It doesn't mean some evil overlord will immediately sabotage your chances.

"I can't believe you're still single! You're such a catch."
 Well, you know that. It's just that someone you like has to actually realize it.

"You have to be at a good place in your life first. When you love yourself, then someone else can love you." How does that explain people whose lives are a shambles except for their lovely relationships?

"There are plenty of fish in the sea."
Love isn't just a numbers game. If it were, you'd have literally billions of options. Sure, there are tons of theoretically eligible guys out there. Doesn't mean you'd automatically hit it off with most of them just because they happen to be human males.

"Why are you still single?"
 What a weird question. First of all, if you knew, you probably wouldn't be single anymore. Second, it makes it sound like there's something wrong with you instead of it being that you haven't met the right person yet.

"You're too picky!"
The chances that your standards are actually unrealistic are slim. Are you waiting around for a 6'5" doctor who has family money, plans dates like you're in a romantic comedy, and could double as a stand-up comedian? Then, yes, they're too high. But most single women are realistic about what they want. And speaking from experience, being single for too long can lower your standards into pretty dicey territory. If you know you're being reasonable, stick to your guns on this one.

What are the most annoying things you've heard while single?

Source:
www.glamour.com

Read More

I Married the Wrong Guy

He was sweet, sexy and financially stable, and I told myself we'd be great together. I was totally lying.I have always chosen badly in love. I wanted the perfect guy, which for me meant someone who would inspire me to become my wittiest, funniest, most adventurous self; who would raise kids with me and stay with me forever despite my nasty temper. Problem is, from college onward, I dated one creative brooder after another—men who had no interest in playing house and would sooner starve than procreate.

By the time I met the man I'll call Nick, I deeply doubted my ability to find a guy who both satisfied my rather predictable physical standards (tall, handsome, with strong hands and a deep voice) and could make my dream of domestic bliss come true. But when a friend introduced us at a party, I saw my perfect manly man, complete with adorably mussed-up hair. When I heard he was single, my stomach did a flip-flop.

In our first months together, I had inklings that we had some serious incompatibilities. I was a writer, interested in people and literary gossip; Nick was a computer and science geek, fascinated by gadgets and facts. I liked order, cleanliness, routine; he got parking tickets, bounced checks and was always late. Plus, he was living with his mother.

But I didn't want to think about all that. Instead, I focused on Nick's cuteness. He wasn't dark or moody like my previous boyfriends. He made me feel protected; he had a good heart. I liked that he could fix things and play guitar. And he was comfortable with commitment. Two weeks after our first kiss, he called me his girlfriend; five months later he moved in. Granted, he was desperate to get out of his mom's house, but still. He cooked dinner and bought me ergonomic computer equipment. When I felt sad, he comforted me.

For the most part, I kept my bad temper in check, but even when I did lash out at him—for being late to meet me, for spilling beer on my rug—Nick wasn't intimidated. He apologized but said, "Don't get so worked up. You're making it worse." And then we'd have fun making up all night.

I quickly decided Nick would make a fantastic husband. Now that I was in my 30s, my desire for a family was all I could think about. About a year after we met, I gave Nick an ultimatum: "If we're not going to marry and have kids in the next two years, I can't stay with you." His response was gentle: "I don't want to lose you, but I have other priorities." I took a breath, feeling an icy river of fear rush through me. "I understand," I said. "But I can't wait."

Flash forward two years: We are married with a baby. Nick largely supports us while I care for our daughter. I have what I've always wanted. I am miserable.

When Nick proposed to me a few weeks after my ultimatum, I asked what changed his mind. "I'm a better man with you," he said. After registering the corniness, I threw myself into his arms. It didn't occur to me to wonder if I was a better woman with him. Now I knew: Not only was I not better with Nick, I was my worst self—judgmental, anxious, controlling.

All I saw was his inability to be witty and fun. I didn't enjoy being with him in social situations. He didn't seem to know how to connect with my friends, but he didn't have any of his own. At parties, Nick waxed on like an overeager child about outer space or nanotechnology; I watched people's eyes glaze over and berated him later for his conversational tone deafness.

We clashed constantly. He was a fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants scrambler; I was a micromanager. When our baby had health issues, my panic drove him crazy; his yelling at me to calm down made me want to stab him in the eyes. Exhausted by our battles, we talked about couples therapy, but we both feared that it would just confirm what we already knew—we didn't fit.

Then one evening, shortly after I found out I was pregnant for the second time, I heard Nick's phone beep. Something compelled me to look at it, and I found a short thread of texts between him and a woman. Nick had texted her back: "I already miss you." In a shocked trance, I saw my fingers tap out a message: "Whoever you are, stay away from my husband."

When I confronted Nick, the story came out: They'd had a few drinks, dinner; they'd kissed once, nothing more. He wasn't in love with her, had meant to break it off. "Please try to understand," Nick said. "She respected me. She was impressed by me. Maybe I'm weak, but I need that."

Somehow, I did understand. On our wedding day, we'd vowed to honor each other. Nick wasn't the only one who went back on that vow. I judged everything about him, from his taste in music to the neighborhood where he grew up; I rolled my eyes when he talked; I always let him know if he'd done something wrong. No wonder he'd looked elsewhere for validation. Despite all that, Nick never judged me personally. He didn't tell me I looked dumpy or that I shouldn't eat that third cookie, even though I wore pajamas at home during the day and hadn't exercised in years.

I watched as he composed an email telling the woman that it, whatever it was, was over. We fell into each other's arms, seeking comfort and redemption. After that, for a while, we did OK. I tried to stay in the present, getting our home ready for a new baby and enjoying Nick's renewed efforts to be an attentive, loving husband.

And then, the day after our second child was born, we got into a fight at the hospital. He wanted to get home and was driving me nuts as he bounced around packing things up, when all I wanted was to nurse my son. Downstairs, I watched Nick get into a shouting match with the valet who wanted to charge him $10 for parking our car. All I could think was, Why am I married to this guy? As we got into the car, desolation washed over me.

But as I gazed at my tiny sleeping son, so vulnerable and dependent, I realized that, unlike him, I wasn't helpless. I could either keep acting like a spoiled child, demanding that Nick be perfect, or I could be a grown-up. I knew that intact and miserable was no better than separate, and maybe worse. But I needed to try. And so, I made the most important choice of my life: to fully commit to my marriage. Not to an ideal of love—but to real, complicated love, where things are rarely easy and compromises are constant.

I slowly began to behave differently, to act like the person I wanted to be. It wasn't easy at first, and it still isn't, but that's part of the challenge of being married. The more I laugh, the funnier Nick is. The more I show my appreciation, the more appreciative of me he becomes. Having things my way, I've come to understand, is less important than having someone real to love. I've given up my fantasy of a perfect husband for the reality of a stable family, and, to my surprise, I'm happy—at least most of the time.

Source:
http://www.self.com/

Read More