whether you're happily single or jonesing for a steady relationship, being unattached has its pros and cons. Pros: getting the entire bed to yourself and feeling like you can truly do whatever you want, whenever you want. Cons: besides craving a relationship and not having one, people can say such clueless things! Sometimes it gets so bad that your eyes would get stuck if you rolled them any harder. These statements are usually well-meaning and can even be reassuring the first few times you hear them. The thing is that when you're single, you'll be bombarded with them nonstop to the point where they become insufferable. Here are some of the most common culprits.
"Have you thought about online dating?"
Nope! Even after all the thousands of think pieces saying it's the new way to find love. Even after countless friends have gotten married after meeting on OkCupid. The thought just hadn't occurred to you.
"You just have to put yourself out there!"
This one is good advice on the off chance that you're holing yourself up at home, refusing to leave. Otherwise, it can be pretty grating. Like many single women who want to meet someone, you've probably packed your schedule. You've joined a hiking club, Tinder swipe like a madwoman, and let your friends set you up. How much more "out there" are you supposed to get?!
This one is good advice on the off chance that you're holing yourself up at home, refusing to leave. Otherwise, it can be pretty grating. Like many single women who want to meet someone, you've probably packed your schedule. You've joined a hiking club, Tinder swipe like a madwoman, and let your friends set you up. How much more "out there" are you supposed to get?!
"I miss being single! You're so lucky."
Sure, they're trying to make you feel like there are upsides to being on your own. It's still about as tone-deaf as me when I was 13 and would belt out Britney songs, convinced pop stardom was my destiny.
Sure, they're trying to make you feel like there are upsides to being on your own. It's still about as tone-deaf as me when I was 13 and would belt out Britney songs, convinced pop stardom was my destiny.
"You'll find love when you least expect it."
This just doesn't follow. You should really least expect it when you're sitting on the couch, housing a pizza. I understand that it can seem harder to find love when you're too focused on it, but how are you not supposed to think about wanting a relationship? It's OK to hope for one! It doesn't mean some evil overlord will immediately sabotage your chances.
This just doesn't follow. You should really least expect it when you're sitting on the couch, housing a pizza. I understand that it can seem harder to find love when you're too focused on it, but how are you not supposed to think about wanting a relationship? It's OK to hope for one! It doesn't mean some evil overlord will immediately sabotage your chances.
"I can't believe you're still single! You're such a
catch."
Well, you know that. It's just that someone you like has to actually realize it.
Well, you know that. It's just that someone you like has to actually realize it.
"You have to be at a good place in your life first.
When you love yourself, then someone else can love you." How does that
explain people whose lives are a shambles except for their lovely
relationships?
"There are plenty of fish in the sea."
Love isn't just a numbers game. If it were, you'd have literally billions of options. Sure, there are tons of theoretically eligible guys out there. Doesn't mean you'd automatically hit it off with most of them just because they happen to be human males.
Love isn't just a numbers game. If it were, you'd have literally billions of options. Sure, there are tons of theoretically eligible guys out there. Doesn't mean you'd automatically hit it off with most of them just because they happen to be human males.
"Why are you still single?"
What a weird question. First of all, if you knew, you probably wouldn't be single anymore. Second, it makes it sound like there's something wrong with you instead of it being that you haven't met the right person yet.
What a weird question. First of all, if you knew, you probably wouldn't be single anymore. Second, it makes it sound like there's something wrong with you instead of it being that you haven't met the right person yet.
"You're too picky!"
The chances that your standards are actually unrealistic are slim. Are you waiting around for a 6'5" doctor who has family money, plans dates like you're in a romantic comedy, and could double as a stand-up comedian? Then, yes, they're too high. But most single women are realistic about what they want. And speaking from experience, being single for too long can lower your standards into pretty dicey territory. If you know you're being reasonable, stick to your guns on this one.
The chances that your standards are actually unrealistic are slim. Are you waiting around for a 6'5" doctor who has family money, plans dates like you're in a romantic comedy, and could double as a stand-up comedian? Then, yes, they're too high. But most single women are realistic about what they want. And speaking from experience, being single for too long can lower your standards into pretty dicey territory. If you know you're being reasonable, stick to your guns on this one.
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